Powers I Would Sell My Soul For
Sep. 13th, 2023 06:30 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ryanreactsTeleportation
Yes please, for fucking real!
Obviously this would make my own life much better, since I could visit Seattle for Teriyaki Madness and other food & drink as often as every single day; steal some cash from some billionaires' fucking bank vaults; never worry about a commute ever again; and hang out with my sister whenever we want.
But also, I could use this power to anonymously make the world a better place. For legal reasons I should reiterate that I cannot actually teleport (. . . yet) and this is just wishing, but if I could, let's just say I might or might not grab a few billionaires and leave them stranded in the wilderness until they agree to use a fraction of all that money they won't need if they live for a few centuries to do things like, hmmm, turn hotels into free homes for homeless people or something. Of course I wouldn't let them go full Yellowjackets! I would pop in every other day with two big bags of fruits and vegetables and other healthy foods to keep their strength up. In fact, I would provide anything they asked for that wasn't a phone or a jet or anything else they might use to rescue themselves. But, you know, unlimited food and books and supplies and furniture and whatever else they want, IF they ask nicely AND fucking pay me. A lot. And I would take them home at any moment if they agreed to redistribute a tiny fraction of their wealth and make the world less bleak.
Flight
Well, duh.
Of course it is far less useful than teleportation, but it's also the single most FUN magic I can imagine.
Furthermore, "Defying Gravity" is my favorite song of all time for a dang reason.
Weather Control
I live in southern California, so the ability to conjure my own personal breeze at any moment would be worth any price.
Telekinesis
Another really obvious one! So many mind-numbingly boring chores, such as laundry and dishwashing, would actually be a lot of fun if I could do them with magic.
Also, of course I would use this to punish people who choose to be assholes in public. Listening to music on the bus or trolley without headphones? Your volume is gonna go down no matter how you try to turn it back up, and you'll be fucking lucky if I don't crack your screen or make you drop the phone in such a way that the case flies off and your heart skips a beat and you just barely catch the phone with your foot because I am a nicer witch than you deserve.
Also also! With enough practice, I could use this to fly!
Shapeshifting
Hey, another power I could use to fly!
What can I even say? Animorphs had an effect on me. It would be beyond amazing to become a hawk and fly, or morph a dolphin because they are just fun, or turn into a grizzly bear to scare the shit out of people. And this one didn't happen in Animorphs, but I might be tempted to spend more than fifty percent of my time as a cat.
Plus, look at Mystique. I love her, but even if you don't, clearly life is more fun when you can look like anyone you want whenever you want. Hmmm, this is another way I could steal from billionaires. Heh.
Yes please, for fucking real!
Obviously this would make my own life much better, since I could visit Seattle for Teriyaki Madness and other food & drink as often as every single day; steal some cash from some billionaires' fucking bank vaults; never worry about a commute ever again; and hang out with my sister whenever we want.
But also, I could use this power to anonymously make the world a better place. For legal reasons I should reiterate that I cannot actually teleport (. . . yet) and this is just wishing, but if I could, let's just say I might or might not grab a few billionaires and leave them stranded in the wilderness until they agree to use a fraction of all that money they won't need if they live for a few centuries to do things like, hmmm, turn hotels into free homes for homeless people or something. Of course I wouldn't let them go full Yellowjackets! I would pop in every other day with two big bags of fruits and vegetables and other healthy foods to keep their strength up. In fact, I would provide anything they asked for that wasn't a phone or a jet or anything else they might use to rescue themselves. But, you know, unlimited food and books and supplies and furniture and whatever else they want, IF they ask nicely AND fucking pay me. A lot. And I would take them home at any moment if they agreed to redistribute a tiny fraction of their wealth and make the world less bleak.
Flight
Well, duh.
Of course it is far less useful than teleportation, but it's also the single most FUN magic I can imagine.
Furthermore, "Defying Gravity" is my favorite song of all time for a dang reason.
Weather Control
I live in southern California, so the ability to conjure my own personal breeze at any moment would be worth any price.
Telekinesis
Another really obvious one! So many mind-numbingly boring chores, such as laundry and dishwashing, would actually be a lot of fun if I could do them with magic.
Also, of course I would use this to punish people who choose to be assholes in public. Listening to music on the bus or trolley without headphones? Your volume is gonna go down no matter how you try to turn it back up, and you'll be fucking lucky if I don't crack your screen or make you drop the phone in such a way that the case flies off and your heart skips a beat and you just barely catch the phone with your foot because I am a nicer witch than you deserve.
Also also! With enough practice, I could use this to fly!
Shapeshifting
Hey, another power I could use to fly!
What can I even say? Animorphs had an effect on me. It would be beyond amazing to become a hawk and fly, or morph a dolphin because they are just fun, or turn into a grizzly bear to scare the shit out of people. And this one didn't happen in Animorphs, but I might be tempted to spend more than fifty percent of my time as a cat.
Plus, look at Mystique. I love her, but even if you don't, clearly life is more fun when you can look like anyone you want whenever you want. Hmmm, this is another way I could steal from billionaires. Heh.
